Mamas Tell All: Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle [a linkup]

during one anti-sleep phase, Rodgers would sleep on the couch
and let Nate play in the living room. Nate would end up
crashing somewhere like this eventually. Always entertaining!

...when you have children.

The three main components in physical health are sleep, nutrition, and exercise. The problems with being healthy when you have kids are many. Here's how I deal with them!

sleep 

Kids don't sleep when you need them to. They eventually start sleeping through the night, then have sleep regressions due to cognitive development, teething, illness, name it. Both of our kids had their last major sleep regression around age 30 months (2 1/2 years). Now they may wake up during the night occasionally, but for the most part we sleep through the night.

After Nate was born, we started going to bed way earlier to make sure we got enough sleep. Rodgers wakes up before dawn, so he tends to take a nap in the evenings. I am not a good napper, so I have to get all of my sleep overnight. I sleep until the kids wake me up, which is usually around 6:15.

It was obviously much harder with infants. However, since they were bottle fed, we had the freedom to split the night feedings. If it was before 2 am, Rodgers would get up. If it was after 2 am, I would get up. (Or was it the other way around? I don't have a clear memory from those time periods...) That way, even if we both woke up when the baby woke, one of us could go back to sleep, and we each got at least half a night's worth of sleep.

nutrition 

Either you have no time to feed yourself and go hungry or you end up eating too much, i.e. all of your toddler's leftovers because they keep saying they're hungry, but are "done" after a bite and a half. It's hard to eat well!

One of my time savers is to prep produce as I put it away. Fruit will be cleaned and put away ready to grab and eat. Veggies will be cleaned, blanched, and frozen, ready to add to a quick recipe later. I don't always stay on top of this, but snacking well and cooking meals are so much easier when I do! We keep healthy snacks like yogurt, boiled eggs, and nuts, too. We also enjoy some not-so healthy snacks in moderation.

exercise

With kids, I feel I have neither the time nor energy to exercise. I've never really liked exercising anyway. However, in the interest of health, I try to stay active and exercise for real a few times per week. I rely on the internet. I don't have time to go to a gym to exercise. I also don't have childcare. My gym is my living room floor, and my trainer is YouTube. I'm not strict about it, though. If I am genuinely tired (or if it's too hot - we don't have a/c), I will skip exercising. It works for me!

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Mamas Tell All: Making Time for Mama [a linkup]

Based on my own unprofessional, unofficial observations, mom burnout is very common. However, it has a simple remedy, and we all know what it is: taking some time for ourselves. This is not profound. It's not news. And yet, for some reason we often feel we have to be busy 100% of the time. Taking care of our kids is immeasurably important. Taking care of our homes is an endlessly repetitive to-do list. And then all of the other things we do...well, we wouldn't be doing them if they weren't important. Can we justify taking time for ourselves?

Jesus himself sets an example of going away to rest. He is God. And he needed time to rest. His work on the earth was infinitely more important than anything we could do. And he took time away from it.

We need to refresh our bodies and minds. Jesus did. He told his disciples to rest with him, depsite the very important and urgent things they had on their to-do lists. We are no different. Next question: How?

Really, how do I take time for this?  How can I work it into my day? It is a discipline, and I have to be intentional about it.

I rely very much on my husband's help for this. My kids aren't old enough to fend for themselves. If I'm going to have time to myself (more than a few minutes), he has to be with the kids. There are a few ways I try to work this in.

5 minute pick-me-up

If Rodgers is not home and I really need some time, I turn on the TV and/or give the boys a snack. I tell them that I need to take a break and go to my room. They understand by now what this means. I may read or just zone out. I introvert for 5 minutes. It's a similar concept to a power nap. The boys can handle being alone for that amount of time. And it helps me keep going.

30 minutes to an hour break

If I need more than just a few minutes, I tell Rodgers, "I'm taking a break," almost as soon as he walks in the door. This is hard in practice because after a few minutes, the boys still come to me asking for things. We both have to constantly remind them that Rodgers knows how to fix snacks, help with toileting, or put superhero capes on, and I need to be left alone during my break time.

A day off

Rodgers is very understanding of my need for time to myself, and he can even recognize the signs that it's time! Every now and then (maybe 4 times per year) he will take the boys on a guys' outing, leaving me home alone for up to 8 hours. It is glorious. I am always so refreshed and energized when they get home! 

How do you make time to rest?

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Mamas Tell All: Never would I ever... [a linkup]

Nate doing his favorite exercise

I learned my lesson with this early in life. Don't say "I'll never..." because that is exactly what you're going to end up doing! I was never going to be or marry a missionary or someone going into vocational ministry. Look where I ended up.

I try not to say/think/feel "I'll never" as a parent, too. Not all people, families, or situations are the same. You never know what's going to work this time with this kid. Rodgers and I try to be open minded and creative in problem solving with our kids. We experiment, we change things up, we try something new. We end up doing things that I never thought about doing, not because I didn't want to do those things, I just never considered them.

We recently started trying something new, which I initiated on a whim. It seemed to work, so we stuck with it. I noticed that often, when I have to repeat instructions, it's because the boys are too active, too distracted, and too energized to even hear the instructions, let alone stop what they're doing to follow said instructions. I try to be realistic in my expectations of them. They should be able to be still and listen for short periods of time, even at their ages. But they have all of this crazy energy, and they need to do something with it so that their ears and minds can work.

Therefore now, if they don't listen and follow instructions, they have to do burpees or jumping jacks (their choice).

It is so much less frustrating for me to say "do 5 burpees or jumping jacks for not listening" and give the instruction to listening ears, than to repeat myself and keep being ignored. The boys like it better, too. They think burpees are fun, and they don't feel like they're in trouble because I'm not cross.

This has also been successful (or even more successful) when I use it preemptively. When the boys are especially wild and we're getting ready to do something quiet, they have to do 5-10 reps, depending on their level of energy. It helps get the wiggles out so that they are capable of being still for a few minutes.

See what other moms said they'd never do. Visit the linkup:

Also, find more tricks for dealing with high energy kids in this post. These are more "day long" solutions while the exercise trick is a quick fix.

Mamas Tell All: Making Motherhood Work [a linkup]

This week's prompt is: Are you a working mom, a stay at home mom or something else entirely, and how do you make that role work for your family?

What WFHMWOC looks like.
I type a few lines, I look up
to see his new trick. And repeat.

When Nate was born, I was the breadwinner for our family (a working outside the home mom - WOHM). Rodgers had just graduated from college and was looking for a full-time job, while working part-time. (I used to do a blog linkup in those days called "Working Mommy Wednesday." Remembering this got me sucked into a vortex of reading those past posts. That was some fun stuff!) I have also done a few stints as a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), which I have to say: I loved.

Now I guess I'm a work-from-home mom without childcare (WFHMWOC) because I do some work for Maisha Kamili, which I talked about in a previous MTA, but most of my time is occupied with keeping house and taking care of my kids. The oldest is in school all day, 5 days a week, and the youngest will join him in January, which will turn me into a standard WFHM.

How does it work for us? Scheduled flexibility. Or flexible scheduling.

I schedule housework and laundry weekly and try (this part is harder) to get daily tasks done in specific time frames. I try to do most of the housework while Rodgers and Nate are gone during the day so that we can all relax in the evenings.

However, having Ben still at home, I get a lot of interruptions. I don't mind them so much. I love that I get to hang out with him one-on-one until he starts school. I discipline myself to stick to the schedule, as in not wasting time or procrastinating, but I am flexible when it comes to Ben's interruptions, which include making many snacks, extended lunch breaks, fort building, holding paper for him to practice cutting, writing and coloring together, snuggling, looking at stuff outside, and sometimes even playing with toys.

Check out how their many roles work for other moms at the linkup:

Mamas Tell All: The Happiest and Crappiest of Motherhood [a linkup]

The Crappiest

We're going to start with this one so we can end on a good note. I don't share this to complain or bring everyone down. I share this to stand in solidarity with other moms having bad days. We've all been there! Try to salvage the day if possible, otherwise, just survive, get the kids to bed, and breathe.

Juggling an infant and a 2-year old after moving to a new country was the toughest part of motherhood for me. There were good days and bad days, like always, but the bad days were exceptionally bad.

There were a few months when Rodgers had to be at church all day on Sundays. We all went to the English worship service, where Rodgers was spontaneously asked to preach (but we expected it because it happened every week). I was holding infant Ben, feeding him, then putting him to sleep for his morning nap, and simultaneously trying to keep 2-year old Nate under control. It was stressful and exhausting. I hated going to church those days. It's not like I was able to participate in any part of the service - I was busy with my kids the entire time. We went home while Rodgers stayed for meetings upon meetings at church. Being off our schedule, both kids were insane. I was already exhausted and short-tempered. Nate always threw one of his 45-minute screaming fits. Ben was hungry but not ready to eat, tired but not ready to sleep - a schedule baby off his schedule is such a mess! Rodgers eventually came home from the meetings, sometimes in time for supper, but sometimes after the boys were already in bed for the night. He was totally frustrated by the meetings and needed to unload some of that, but I had nothing left for him.

Those were the crappiest days of motherhood. Those were the days that I wasn't sure we would all survive, and surviving the day and getting the kids to bed was my one and only goal. That was when I often thought maybe I don't have what it takes to be a mom. But those days passed! We did survive! Thank God!

The Happiest

A picture is worth 1000 words, right? A quick flip through my Instagram pictures and previous FB profile pics resulted in almost 50 pictures of My Happiest Motherhood Moments. Here are my favorites:

playing on the floor with
baby Nate before work

bouncing baby Nate to sleep
at Cat's wedding in England

Nate, after falling asleep
on me in church

Just getting a hug from Nate

baby Ben snuggling while
drinking his bedtime milk

Ben giving me a biiiiiiiiiig kiss

Swinging with Ben

talking to baby Ben, nose to nose

hugging both of my boys

reading stories

Wearing one, holding the
other, as you do

cuddle time on the couch
with my cuddly guys

Visit the linkup for more:

Mamas Tell All: Choosing Your Family Size [a linkup]

Our family of 4 in 2012, with the Indian Ocean behind us.

The question for this week's linkup is: How did you choose the size of your family?

What a question!

We were actively trying to avoid pregnancy when I got pregnant with Nate. We had talked about adoption. We had talked about waiting for a couple of years, then trying to get pregnant. We had not yet totally decided to have kids, how many, or how they would join our family.

I was sick the entire pregnancy, had a physically traumatic and damaging delivery, and had many horrible months postpartum, trying to heal. I was not eager to repeat the experience, and Rodgers was dead set against it. We talked more about adopting the rest of our family, but we were starting to plan moving to Kenya, where we would start an orphan ministry (which we did - Maisha Kamili and Facebook link). How would we choose one or two to adopt and not the rest?

With the prospect of moving overseas, and with Nate already a biracial, bi-cultural, dual citizen kid (my husband is Kenyan, and I am American), I started really, really wanting him to have a biological sibling. We would be bouncing between the US and Kenya. Nate would be part of both cultures, and yet be an outsider in both cultures. Wouldn't it be best for him to have a sibling to experience all that with him? Rodgers was not on board. But he did get on board with not trying to avoid pregnancy, and if God gave us another kid, so be it! Ben was born 9 months later (scheduled c-section, much nicer delivery, and much, much easier recovery, but pregnancy is still my enemy).

Some of the MKKs

With a biological sibling for Nate, I was content, at peace. Rodgers was way past done. We won't have any more biological children (unless God surprises us again). Is our family complete? Not really.

There are 35 kids in Kenya, some single orphans (have lost their fathers), some double orphans (have lost both parents). Most of them live with their relatives, but 4 (ages 18 and older) live in a duplex right next to our house, and some other 18+ year olds live in rooms we rent for them near their schools. We help them with school fees, buying books and uniforms, medical care, and even groceries, where necessary. These are also our kids!

Some of them have exited Maisha Kamili's sponsorship for various reasons (finished school, got a job, found alternate means of support), but we still count them as MKKs (Maisha Kamili Kids).

People have asked us how many we plan to help. The duplex can fit 8, and we can handle 30 sponsored kids at a time, but as they grow up, finish school, and get jobs, we can take on more. Children's homes for those who have no relatives to live with are also in our future. That will increase our capacity over 30, also, as new staff will be hired as house parents. There is no limit but what God has planned!

Shameless plug: Like Maisha Kamili on Facebook!

And follow us on Twitter:  
Follow @MaishaKamili

Find more family stories at the linkup:

Mamas Tell All: Kids and Eating [blog linkup]

my picky eater, eating a zucchini spear

If you're visiting from the linkup, you won't know this, but I would say I have some experience in this category! When my oldest was 20 months old, his baby brother was born, 6 weeks later we moved to a temporary home, 4 months after that, we moved to another country. He was, understandably, shaken up. As a strong-willed kid, he needs to feel in control of some things, and his whole life seemed to change, 3 times, in rapid succession. What could he control? What he ate. He stopped eating everything but bread, deli meat, grapes, sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, and junk food. For us, picky eating was all about insecurity, fear, and control. I think this applies to a lot of picky eaters, even when their lives haven't been so completely turned upside down.

When he was 2 years old, Nate (now 4 1/2) couldn't be reasoned with. I focused on making sure he ate enough calories and gave him vitamins. Still, he didn't gain weight at all for several months. After he turned 3, Nate was more reasonable and had started eating a little more variety. It was a window of opportunity. We used it.

• I identified that trying new things was scary for him. We encouraged bravery (doing what you need to do, even though you are afraid), started with just 1 bite, and celebrated that bite!
• He wanted to be in control, so he was allowed to choose when he would eat his new food, but he had to eat it or he gave up second helpings of what he liked at supper and couldn't have his usual bedtime snack.
• I focused on vegetables because that is the main food group he has trouble with, and it was a huge hole in his nutrition. I choose my battles, in all things parenting. One I don't fight, for example, is potatoes. If he never eats potatoes (besides the fried variety), he's not missing much. He knows this and enjoys the control. He voluntarily tried roasted potatoes recently, liked them, but chose not to eat them the next time they were served. Fine by me. My battle is veggies.
• In the beginning, I served the same vegetable for supper every night for a week. The first 2 days, he had to eat 1 bite only, then 2 bites for 2 days, then a full serving until the end of the week. 
• The next week, I still served the previous vegetable once or twice (now a welcomed old friend), but added a new every-night-veggie, and we repeated the process until we worked through all of our usual vegetables.
• When we are not at home, we take a break from the rules. Sometimes when we're at a restaurant, he wants to eat nothing but a plate of french fries. Hey - it's a special occasion! Why not?

Now, he knows he is required to eat the veggies on his plate, and if he doesn't, there are no seconds or snack. I don't fight him about it because the conflict makes him more resolute and me more grumpy. I just remind him of the consequences. Two nights ago, he chose not to eat his veggies, and we held to our consequences. Last night, he apologized and told me, "I will eat my vegetables tonight so I can have a snack." And he did.

My advice to parents dealing with a picky eater:

1. Determine why. Do they genuinely not like the taste of many foods? Are they afraid? Do they just want control? (If said picky eater is a toddler, you may just be dealing with toddlerhood.) Then address it from that angle.
2. Choose your battles. 
3. Have consequences and stick to them.
4. Give the kid a break sometimes! 

Find more tips at the linkup!

Mamas Tell All: How to Keep Your Marriage Alive After Children [Blog linkup]

hanging out while our boys were playing with friends

There are so many lists of ways to have a strong marriage with kids. I must see one posted online every month in one parenting magazine or another. I think they take turns. "Let's see, Parenting.com, you publish the list January. Parents.com take February. Parenthood.com will be March..." [I'm joking.]

Clearly it's a topic that's important to a lot of families. I think in a lot of ways, marriage maintenance after having kids is a lot like marriage maintenance before having kids, in that you have to do it on purpose, you have to pay attention, you have to put forth effort. It's just that after having kids, we are totally distracted by our needy offspring. I say "I think" because our first child was born 10 months (and 1 day, if you want to be specific) after our wedding. We don't really know much about marriage without kids.

The magazine lists always include these in some way: keep dating, flirt, have sex, share kid-related tasks, and something about dads pitching in around the house. I'm going to focus on the first one because it is a particular challenge for us. Even when were "dating," it was a long-distance relationship (and for a year an extremely long-distance relationship), so we didn't go on dates much. Now we have to find a babysitter, and our kids hate babysitters, and Ben isn't used to being away from me and screams the whole time until he passes out on my pillow... We average about one real babysitter date per year right now. We find ways to date without a babysitter.

1. Post-bedtime dessert date. We wait until the boys are asleep, then sit on the couch and have dessert together in peace and quiet. Sometimes we talk about grown-up things; sometimes we are so exhausted we say nothing at all.

2. Restaurant with a playground. One of our favorite Saturday lunch spots has a playground. There are tables right next to the slide. The boys play with minimal supervision, Rodgers and I sip Malindi macchiatos, and none of us minds if it takes them too long to cook our lunch.

3. Use naptime. Our boys still nap most days. Once they're asleep, we have one-and-a-half to three hours to ourselves, to do whatever we want.

4. Lunch dates (when kids are in school). This is one I intend to implement when Ben starts school next year!

Mamas Tell All: The Perfect Mama [Blog linkup]

I was still in high school when I started learning about "The Perfect Mama," via Bible studies on Proverbs 31. During pregnancy and as a new mom, lots of people had advice for me. I've written before about how this advice - even so-called expert advice - doesn't always agree. It's impossible to be absolutely perfect because perfect according to Expert A is harmful according to Expert B. Even if they did agree, we all know that no one will ever achieve perfection. However, an idea of what perfection is will give us a goal to work towards.

At my baby shower for Nate, I was given a small scrapbook. Before they gave it to me, they passed around a few of the pages for the attendees to write parenting advice for me. There were a lot of sweet blessings and "cherish every moment" (which is impossible - some moments aren't cherish-able!). But there was also much more than that. What I see in this advice, and I what I've learned through experience, is that perfection as a mom is not so much in what we do, but in our faith in God, in our sanctification in Christ, in our eternal perspective. The things we do are important, but the good things will flow out from God at work within us when we are disciplined followers of Jesus.

Here is my favorite advice, some which helps me identify what I want to be like, and some which was just very helpful during the infant stage.

Patience is the one thing I learned right off the bat. Patience with labor, crying, husbands, countless diapers.

Never be afraid to hold and rock your baby as much as you want. Many times when a baby cries, he just needs warmth and comfort that only you can provide. You won't spoil him!

Always look to God for guidance. He has wonderful plans for you.

The most important thing I can think of is to love your children. Spoil them with love, and I know you will bring them up to love the Lord Jesus. 

Truly the greatest gift God has given me is the privilege to be a wife and a mother. I have learned so much about the character of God through the lives of my children. One of the things I have learned as a mother is that God loves my children even more than I do...He is trustworthy! He will give us wisdom concerning our children, as well.

Remember that the Scripture says, "Raise up your child in the way he should grow and when he's old he will not go away from it." Because I'm the oldest one at your shower, please let me encourage you to begin early to teach your child the Word and prayer. The Word will get him through life, prayer will help him have a personal relationship with Jesus. These will take him through his entire life no matter what comes.