2014

January

Nate turned 4 in January, and we pondered over how it was possible that 4

years had passed since that very eventful day when he came into the world.

My parents also made their second trip to Kenya in January. We took them
several new places, including Arabuko-Sokoke forest and Sabaki River.
And of course, we took some trips to the beach!

February

The highlight of February was Nate's half-term break.
We headed to Malindi for a long weekend. We spent our time in the pool,
on the beach, and at ice cream and pizza parlors, per Nate and Ben's request.

March

March is hot. While coping with the heat, we got ready for our trip to the US!

April

We went to Texas! It was a longer visit this time than the last time we went,
with break time worked in throughout the weeks we were there.
We started our trip with a real vacation - fun family time with no work on the side!

May

It seems (from the outside) that our time in the US should betotally relaxing -
after all, we aren't home cleaning our house, cooking for ourselves, keeping up
with the daily grind, and we're in the most comfortable place on earth (the US).
But, we are on the go all the time. We took a few days off here
and there, but it was still a tiring month of travel and visits.
Nate and Ben really, really love Texas.

 June

The end of our US trip. At one point I calculated the number
of miles we traveled, excluding trips within the towns we were staying in
at different times, just from one stop to another around the state.
I don't remember what it was anymore. Thousands. Texas is big,
and we didn't even make it to west Texas, the panhandle, the valley...
Nate got back to school almost as soon as we were home. He missed it so much!

July 

We got back in to the swing of life here.
The Maisha Kamili Transition Home became fully functional,
eventually housing 4 transitioners.

August

Kenya's school breaks are in April, August, and November-December.
While Nate was on break, we took a family trip to Nairobi to
renew his passport. We stayed an extra day or two to take
advantage of time in the Big City.

September

This was the beginning of the last school term in which
Ben would not be in school yet. We also celebrated him turning 3!

October

We started going to church in Malindi this year. It is quite a drive to make
(several times a week), but we feel it is a place we can
serve usefully. We are all making new friends, which is
something we really needed (especially me!).

 November

We celebrated Thanksgiving with great friends!
It was the best Thanksgiving I've ever had outside of the US.

December

With schools closed and many people on leave, December has
brought a lot of visits with friends!
We will spend Christmas with Rodgers' family, followed by a
Skype with my family during their Christmas celebration. 

It's hot, we haven't had running water for weeks,
Nate and Ben have spent way too much time with each other since schools
let out last month and they are getting on each other's (and my) nerves,
people disappoint us, we disappoint ourselves, but God is here.
He has brought us a long way this year, and he continues to
mold and shape us into the likeness of Jesus.
The year was good because God is. 

end of year!

Today was the first kindergarten graduation ceremony for Nate's school. They did presentations/performances and gave awards certificates for each class before the actual graduation. It was actually lots of fun! The kids had learned a lot of songs and poems to present, and Nate recited a Bible verse all by himself, as well as participating in several of the group poetry recitations. 

We spent a lot of time waiting between different parts of the program.
Here we're keeping Ben occupied with chewing gum and taking pictures.

Teacher Leah gave him a balloon.

And Rodgers read the newspaper

During one of the waiting times, they started up a game of Musical Chairs
for the parents! Rodgers was selected to play in the first group.
He did not win, unfortunately.

Nate's 3rd from the left in this pic, getting set up to recite a poem together!

Nate was not in this one - it was a very cool Giryama folk song and dance.

I was called on to present award certificates for "Best in Language"
for each class. Nate got the award for his class! Rodgers was not
fast enough to take a picture of us, but there we are from a
distance, while they were still getting all of the kids on stage. 

Nate used to go to dance class on Wednesday afternoons, but one day they told us, "Nate says his body won't dance right for dance class. He's in chorale now instead." I thought 'choir,' singing. But actually they memorize and recite poetry as a group. In addition to the chorale verses, each class recited something as a group and sang a song. Also, some of the kids recited poems or Bible verses on their own.

They begin each presentation by saying "On the stage is [either the class, the individual's name, or "Bright Beginnings Kindergarten" if it's the chorale group], ready to recite a poem, entitled ________. Welcome (with a bow)." Then they recite. At the end, and this is my favorite part, they bow again and say, "Pleasure!"

Chorale (with some extras, I think!) learned "I Will Forget" to recite at a music festival in June. We were in Texas, so Nate missed it. However, he got to recite it with the group today! Nate's by the microphone on the left side. The poem talks about letting students learn at their own pace, in their own style, rather than forcing them to learn by rote.



A smaller chorale group (I think this may be the Wednesday group?) presented "6 O'clock," which is a cute poem about a bedtime routine.



KG2 class presented "Education." Education is like an orange situated in a desert, and I am a traveler. Those are oranges they're holding, and even though they're green, they are ripe.



Towards the end of the presentations, Nate got to recite John 1:1. He didn't even seem nervous. I'm so impressed. There were about 100 people watching him.

Mamas Tell All: Never would I ever... [a linkup]

Nate doing his favorite exercise

I learned my lesson with this early in life. Don't say "I'll never..." because that is exactly what you're going to end up doing! I was never going to be or marry a missionary or someone going into vocational ministry. Look where I ended up.

I try not to say/think/feel "I'll never" as a parent, too. Not all people, families, or situations are the same. You never know what's going to work this time with this kid. Rodgers and I try to be open minded and creative in problem solving with our kids. We experiment, we change things up, we try something new. We end up doing things that I never thought about doing, not because I didn't want to do those things, I just never considered them.

We recently started trying something new, which I initiated on a whim. It seemed to work, so we stuck with it. I noticed that often, when I have to repeat instructions, it's because the boys are too active, too distracted, and too energized to even hear the instructions, let alone stop what they're doing to follow said instructions. I try to be realistic in my expectations of them. They should be able to be still and listen for short periods of time, even at their ages. But they have all of this crazy energy, and they need to do something with it so that their ears and minds can work.

Therefore now, if they don't listen and follow instructions, they have to do burpees or jumping jacks (their choice).

It is so much less frustrating for me to say "do 5 burpees or jumping jacks for not listening" and give the instruction to listening ears, than to repeat myself and keep being ignored. The boys like it better, too. They think burpees are fun, and they don't feel like they're in trouble because I'm not cross.

This has also been successful (or even more successful) when I use it preemptively. When the boys are especially wild and we're getting ready to do something quiet, they have to do 5-10 reps, depending on their level of energy. It helps get the wiggles out so that they are capable of being still for a few minutes.

See what other moms said they'd never do. Visit the linkup:

Also, find more tricks for dealing with high energy kids in this post. These are more "day long" solutions while the exercise trick is a quick fix.

a year reading aloud to little boys

Last year, during Christmas holidays, Nate and I started reading A Christmas Carol. Most of it was over his head, though he liked the fact that it was a ghost story. We didn't make it to the end of the book, but it got me thinking about beginning to read chapter books aloud to the boys. I always loved having chapter books read aloud to me as a kid. The earliest I remember were the Little House books and The Chronicles of Narnia. Some of my favorites were my teacher reading The Great Brain series to us in 4th grade and my 5th grade teacher reading various Gary Paulsen books after lunch.

(As a sidenote, I am rarely sad that I have only boys, but I will miss having a girl to share my love of Madeline L'Engle. I read those on my own and loved every single one of them. They are just so female-centric, except perhaps A Wrinkle in Time, which is the best one, and which I will encourage my boys to read. But, I can't wait for them to be old enough to read Paulsen's Hatchet and Woodsong.)

I started a bookshelf on Goodreads for books I have read, am currently reading, or am planning to read to the boys. The ones we have finished are reviewed!

I mostly read books in the public domain, free downloads for the Kindle, and that's where I started with the boys. We worked it into our bedtime routine. We still read picture books (fewer than we used to) and a Bible story every night, then I read our chapter book.

We have read 6 and a half books so far this year and are planning to read 2 more by the end of the year. Here's our reading list:

• The Wind in the Willows. It was a bit too much for a 2 and a half year old, but ok for a just-turned 4 year old.
• The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Great for the 4 year old, ok for the 2 year old (or maybe he was getting used to chapter books?). Perfect chapter length for us. Good action!
• Black Beauty. It was easy to read aloud, and a good reading (listening) level for their age.
• Rikki Tikki Tavi. Very short (it's one ~30 minute chapter from The Jungle Book). The 4 year old and almost 3 year old both loved it.
• Captain's Courageous. The boys seemed to like it (though the 3 year old kept asking if we could read Rikki Tikki Tavi again), but I don't know how much of the plot they got. This one would be better around age 8.
• Winnie the Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner. For Ben's birthday, his uncle sent him these on the Kindle! They are perfect for this age group (3 and 4 year olds). The chapters are short, interesting, funny, and there is even a picture every so often. 

After The House at Pooh Corner, we will probably read The Jungle Book. Then, it should be time to try A Christmas Carol again. I love that one myself and want to start a family tradition of reading it every year. Charlotte's Web, The Borrowers, and Stuart Little are also on my list for the future, but none of them are public domain.

Mamas Tell All: The Happiest and Crappiest of Motherhood [a linkup]

The Crappiest

We're going to start with this one so we can end on a good note. I don't share this to complain or bring everyone down. I share this to stand in solidarity with other moms having bad days. We've all been there! Try to salvage the day if possible, otherwise, just survive, get the kids to bed, and breathe.

Juggling an infant and a 2-year old after moving to a new country was the toughest part of motherhood for me. There were good days and bad days, like always, but the bad days were exceptionally bad.

There were a few months when Rodgers had to be at church all day on Sundays. We all went to the English worship service, where Rodgers was spontaneously asked to preach (but we expected it because it happened every week). I was holding infant Ben, feeding him, then putting him to sleep for his morning nap, and simultaneously trying to keep 2-year old Nate under control. It was stressful and exhausting. I hated going to church those days. It's not like I was able to participate in any part of the service - I was busy with my kids the entire time. We went home while Rodgers stayed for meetings upon meetings at church. Being off our schedule, both kids were insane. I was already exhausted and short-tempered. Nate always threw one of his 45-minute screaming fits. Ben was hungry but not ready to eat, tired but not ready to sleep - a schedule baby off his schedule is such a mess! Rodgers eventually came home from the meetings, sometimes in time for supper, but sometimes after the boys were already in bed for the night. He was totally frustrated by the meetings and needed to unload some of that, but I had nothing left for him.

Those were the crappiest days of motherhood. Those were the days that I wasn't sure we would all survive, and surviving the day and getting the kids to bed was my one and only goal. That was when I often thought maybe I don't have what it takes to be a mom. But those days passed! We did survive! Thank God!

The Happiest

A picture is worth 1000 words, right? A quick flip through my Instagram pictures and previous FB profile pics resulted in almost 50 pictures of My Happiest Motherhood Moments. Here are my favorites:

playing on the floor with
baby Nate before work

bouncing baby Nate to sleep
at Cat's wedding in England

Nate, after falling asleep
on me in church

Just getting a hug from Nate

baby Ben snuggling while
drinking his bedtime milk

Ben giving me a biiiiiiiiiig kiss

Swinging with Ben

talking to baby Ben, nose to nose

hugging both of my boys

reading stories

Wearing one, holding the
other, as you do

cuddle time on the couch
with my cuddly guys

Visit the linkup for more:

Mamas Tell All: Kids and Eating [blog linkup]

my picky eater, eating a zucchini spear

If you're visiting from the linkup, you won't know this, but I would say I have some experience in this category! When my oldest was 20 months old, his baby brother was born, 6 weeks later we moved to a temporary home, 4 months after that, we moved to another country. He was, understandably, shaken up. As a strong-willed kid, he needs to feel in control of some things, and his whole life seemed to change, 3 times, in rapid succession. What could he control? What he ate. He stopped eating everything but bread, deli meat, grapes, sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, and junk food. For us, picky eating was all about insecurity, fear, and control. I think this applies to a lot of picky eaters, even when their lives haven't been so completely turned upside down.

When he was 2 years old, Nate (now 4 1/2) couldn't be reasoned with. I focused on making sure he ate enough calories and gave him vitamins. Still, he didn't gain weight at all for several months. After he turned 3, Nate was more reasonable and had started eating a little more variety. It was a window of opportunity. We used it.

• I identified that trying new things was scary for him. We encouraged bravery (doing what you need to do, even though you are afraid), started with just 1 bite, and celebrated that bite!
• He wanted to be in control, so he was allowed to choose when he would eat his new food, but he had to eat it or he gave up second helpings of what he liked at supper and couldn't have his usual bedtime snack.
• I focused on vegetables because that is the main food group he has trouble with, and it was a huge hole in his nutrition. I choose my battles, in all things parenting. One I don't fight, for example, is potatoes. If he never eats potatoes (besides the fried variety), he's not missing much. He knows this and enjoys the control. He voluntarily tried roasted potatoes recently, liked them, but chose not to eat them the next time they were served. Fine by me. My battle is veggies.
• In the beginning, I served the same vegetable for supper every night for a week. The first 2 days, he had to eat 1 bite only, then 2 bites for 2 days, then a full serving until the end of the week. 
• The next week, I still served the previous vegetable once or twice (now a welcomed old friend), but added a new every-night-veggie, and we repeated the process until we worked through all of our usual vegetables.
• When we are not at home, we take a break from the rules. Sometimes when we're at a restaurant, he wants to eat nothing but a plate of french fries. Hey - it's a special occasion! Why not?

Now, he knows he is required to eat the veggies on his plate, and if he doesn't, there are no seconds or snack. I don't fight him about it because the conflict makes him more resolute and me more grumpy. I just remind him of the consequences. Two nights ago, he chose not to eat his veggies, and we held to our consequences. Last night, he apologized and told me, "I will eat my vegetables tonight so I can have a snack." And he did.

My advice to parents dealing with a picky eater:

1. Determine why. Do they genuinely not like the taste of many foods? Are they afraid? Do they just want control? (If said picky eater is a toddler, you may just be dealing with toddlerhood.) Then address it from that angle.
2. Choose your battles. 
3. Have consequences and stick to them.
4. Give the kid a break sometimes! 

Find more tips at the linkup!

boy mom tricks: high energy and noise

This may come as a shock: I am not a high-energy person, and I don't like noise. My boys...well, they can't be still, and the only time they are quiet is when they're sleeping. Not only are they loud and rowdy, they also fight. Over anything and everything. Siblings, you know?

We're a single-car family, and I don't currently have a valid driver's license in this country anyway. There is public transportation in this town, but we're a bit far from town center to easily get a tuk tuk to get out of the house. So what do I do with these boys when we're stuck at home during school breaks and Rodgers is at work? Yes, they drive me crazy, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

1) Send them outside. When they start getting loud and crazy, my first line of defense is, "Go outside." If it's hot, I tell them to stay in the shade. If it's raining, I send them onto the veranda. Actually, one day last week, they played in the rain. When they're loud and wild, they usually need to move - a lot - and this is the best way.

2) Sunday School. We haven't yet found a church here with a good Sunday School program, so we started using some lessons from Ministry-to-Children, especially on weeks that we couldn't make it to church at all. Then I realized that the singing and dancing (with help from YouTube) burned a lot of their energy, and they were always peaceful for the lesson. We're now working through the lesson series on The Lord's Prayer, not on Sundays, but we still call it "Sunday School."

3) Build a fort. When I build them a fort, suddenly they want to sit still and look at books. I do this if they've played outside, they've been active, but are for whatever reason still too rambunctious for being in the house, and especially if they are fighting a lot. We built this epic fort while Nate was on school break this time. Sheets over the backs of several chairs, connected to the "big couch," which they can crawl under, connected to the washing machine box they have been playing in.

4) (If possible) Get out of the house. These guys seem to get a bit of cabin fever after a few days, which manifests in insanity. By now, we know a couple of restaurants with playgrounds, there's always the beach, and sometimes just going to the supermarket helps them reset. But like I said, getting out is a bit difficult right now. When they're older, we'll be able to walk until we find transport, but they're still too small for that right now. I mean, if they get tired, I can't carry a 4-year old and (almost) 3-year old, together, at the same time.

5) Get out a "special" toy/game/activity. For Christmas last year, the boys got a train set. We have always kept the tracks put away because they turn into weapons when the train play is over. It's special when we get it out, and they play well for a solid chunk of time. There is also bubble-blowing, painting, cutting paper (a new obsession), and sidewalk chalk. We did all of these this school break. During Christmas school break, we'll make tree ornaments and snowflakes and do Christmasy things, which are all very necessary since it's a 9 week break!

6) Give them chores. They are still at the age where chores make them feel important and grown up (rather than enslaved). One day during break, I was trying to clean the bathrooms. Rodgers had just left for work, and the boys could not, would not get along. I gave them each a sponge and something to clean. They were occupied until I was done cleaning bathrooms, and were ready to get along with each other. They also both adore washing dishes, though this requires much more supervision on my part.

toys.

I've been reading about moms who put away all of their kids' toys, out of reach, inaccessible, and let their kids choose 1 thing or 1 crate of toys to play with at a time. While I think it's a great idea, it was never something I wanted to do. I thought I would miss letting my boys exercise creativity in combining toys from different categories: puzzles become roads, Legos become action figure accessories (usually "fighting things" aka weapons), trains and cars and Lego towers come together in a huge city. They also don't have a lot of toys (from an American perspective - from a Kenyan perspective, it's Toy's 'R' Us in here).

Then Ben hit this phase that I describe as Destructive 2 Year Old. When Nate was in this phase, we lived in a 2-story house and had fewer toys. He had a small basket of living room toys for downstairs and only slightly more upstairs toys. He sure did dump out his living room toy basket every chance he got, but it was only 1 basket of toys. Very manageable, and I didn't mind having him clean up only at the end of each day. Ben, however, has access to their full toy collection. Most things are sorted by type and put away in small baskets, which sort of stack in the bottom of their closet/built-in wardrobe dealy. Here's how our days have been going:

I go into my bedroom to check on the washing machine. I come back into the living room to find Ben has dumped 2 baskets of toys out on the floor. And he's playing with no toys but a piece of cardboard that was destined for the trash. He is required to clean up. It's a fight. We talk about what he wants to do. He asks for crayons and a coloring book. I deliver. I take the laundry outside to hang it up to dry. I come back into the living room. Ben has dumped out 2 baskets of toys in the living room and 1 in the hall. The crayons are nowhere to be found. He's playing with nothing at all, but pretending to fall off the couch. He is required to clean up. It's a fight. We take the baskets back to the bedroom, only to find that their outside toys have been dumped and spread all over the bedroom. He is required to clean up. It's a fight. It's now 10 am.

I can't cope with tripping over, stepping on, and wading through toys all day long. And I have no energy for the same clean up fight every 45 minutes. What we need is a manageable amount of toys that can be cleaned up only once a day.

Where the toys used to be: now just a basket for stuffed animals (which are currently all over the house) and a shoe box of costumes. 

I took the plunge a week ago and put all of their toys up on the top shelf in their room. They can keep all of their stuffed animals because these neither trip me nor hurt when I step on them. With everything else, they have to choose 1 container at a time to play with. I allow them to change what they're playing with during the day, and it's not such a fight to clean up because it's a very small mess. Plus, cleaning up means they can play with something else.

Where the toys are now.

Nate can reach the toy shelf with a step stool. However, he knows the rules and is very responsible. He can't quite put the toys away, but he can get new things down. He put the costume box "away" in the first picture, so he could get out the action figure box. I fully intend to give them access to all of their toys at the same time again. But first, we have to get through Destructive 2 Year Old (which very well may cross over into Destructive 3 Year Old).