The Hair

My naturally curly hair has long been my most identifying feature. When I've been mistaken for someone else, it has never been because we have similar facial features, build, or fashion sense. It is always because of The Hair. When someone searches for me in a crowd - even my own mother - they just look for The Hair.

5th grade. The beginning of the end.

From preschool through most of elementary school, I always had fluffy, wavy hair. Sometime in 5th grade, prepubescent hormones fundamentally changed the texture. My mom and I spent the next few years grasping at straws trying to figure out how to deal with my coarse, frizzy, unruly mass of curls.

8th grade. Losing the hair battle. Bonus: me before braces.

My mom has naturally curly hair, and she tried all of her tricks to get my hair under control, to no avail. Her curls are completely different from mine. After I left for college, I experimented with my curls on my own. Finding the best way to wear my curls has been a 2 decades long project.

I've tried mousses, creams, gels, sprays, serums, oils, relaxers, every shampoo and conditioner made for curls and/or dry hair, and chemical straighteners. I've used blow dryers (with diffuser of course), curling irons, hot rollers, foam rollers, and hair straighteners. I've had my hair long, short, and in between. When ceramic hair straighteners became popular, I bought one and started straightening my hair regularly. But I realized that I prefer my hair curly. I feel more "me" when my hair is natural, and also, it takes less work! The curl isn't my enemy; it's the frizziness. (And the straightening may have tamed my hair, but it did not solve the frizz.)

My curls are somewhere between Type 3A and Type 3B, high porosity, high density, and medium width. I love the curl. The density and width serve me well. The porosity has been the root (pun intended) of all of my hair woes. So I plan my attack accordingly. I am very much loving my curls these days. Here is my current method:

I do need a better curly hair cut.

• Shampoo only in extreme circumstances (like if I've been swimming), and then with sulfate-free shampoo. Working conditioner through the hair and rinsing with water cleanses it sufficiently.
• Use a thick, hydrating conditioner several times per week.
• Don't brush or comb, just work knots out with fingers while hair has conditioner in it.
• Squeeze water out of hair with an old t-shirt, not terry-cloth. 
• Turn hair upside down, separate curls, scrunch a bit, spray on argan oil and leave-in conditioner.
• Turn right-side up, part hair on opposite side (to prevent the flat-head look), smooth coconut oil through hair.
• Let air dry partially, correct part, style now if not wearing hair down, let hair air dry the rest of the way. 
• "Pineapple" hair to sleep.
• Sleep on a satin pillow case.

how I ended up here

When you have no water running for weeks and months, you have to go get your own water.

I recently sketched a timeline of events in my life and before my life through which God has brought me where I am today. It definitely started before I was born.

Before I was born, my dad gave up his career at IBM to finish his bachelor's degree, go through seminary, and become a pastor. Before that, his grandmother had been praying for years (decades?) that one of her children or grandchildren would become a pastor.

Because of that, I decided I would not go into vocational ministry nor would I marry someone who was. It's not a comfortable life! I knew that as a PK (pastor's kid).

handwashing our clothes post-housekeeper, pre-washing machine

So how did I end up here anyway? I could have written this blog post about PKs and why they either "go awry" or not. Just substitute a few details here and there and you have my experience. As I read that post, I thought of a few reasons, and they are the same as the ones Dale gives for himself:

• My parents practiced what they preached. (My sidenote: In conversations with fellow PKs, parents not practicing what they preach is the #1 reason PKs give for deciding Jesus is not for them, though my survey is limited to the handful of atheist and agnostic PKs I have known.) 
• My dad and mom spent time with me.
• I was able to see past the negative side of ministry.
• I made a personal choice to follow Christ and my faith became my own.

Seeing past the negative side of ministry took time, and I tested it out by starting with a 2 year commitment to Wycliffe and OM before I got married. I knew I could survive 2 years, and if it was too hard or too much, I could go back to trying to start a career. But I found my place beyond the negatives (though I complained about a lot of things along the way).

In addition to my trial experience, I remember one particular sermon/lecture from my dad that stayed on my mind as I was deciding. (Actually, I still think about it when I find myself longing for the comfort of, say, reliable utilities or the convenience of online shopping. I can still hear his voice, "They find a way to be comfortable...") I don't even remember whether my siblings were present or if it was a private sermon. Dad was talking about the human tendency to crave comfort, but that pursuing comfort comes with sacrifice, too. Many have sacrificed what they felt God calling them to do because what God was calling them to would have required sacrificing comfort. Following God requires sacrifice: true. But not following God is a sacrifice. And a big one.

One of many verses from the Bible that confirmed Rodgers' and my dream was from God.

Not that a good job and house in the suburbs are bad or wrong. Not that everyone is supposed to take a vow of poverty. The point was that sometimes God calls us to give up some things in order to "seek first the Kingdom...and all these things will be added to you." (see Matthew 6:19-34)

"But when God calls...you have to make a choice. You can say "yes" or you can walk away from His will for your life. After struggling for months, I made the choice to say "yes" to God's plan for my life.
"I said that to say this. At the end of the day, each person must decide for themselves if they will follow Christ or not. Yes, godly parents do make a difference and help cultivate the soil, but they cannot make the decision for their child." (also from that blog post)

It's easy for people to see that we have sacrificed comfort to live this life. (How many weeks did we live without running water in our house?) What they don't see is that, had we chosen comfort, we would be sacrificing so much more.

best of 2013

A photo summary of our year

January in Texas

Nate loved his firetruck birthday cake

February - first day of school

March was hot. It's usually the hottest month of the year on the coast of Kenya.
They were either looking at the moon or watching an airplane.

Easter
They love millipedes. The one they are watching here is actually rather small.

April, at our new house, before it was ready for us to move in

May, we moved to Kilifi. This dining set was Rodgers' birthday gift. He fell in love with the wood.

Mother's Day - they both miraculously ate everything that was served. It was the start of a new trend! 

a trip to Haller Park in June

July - our first outing without diapers

At the beach in Kilifi

August - watching the waves in Malindi

Ben cuddling Grandma after getting in trouble

September - Ben considers his birthday cake

Kilifi beach again. Nate and Ben would wait until the waves came in, then make a run for it. They are a little afraid of the water.

At Grandma's house in October

Nate dips chicken in soup. He was such a picky eater in 2012, he has really amazed me this year by eating so many different things.

Also at Grandma's house

November - putting up the Christmas tree

Trying out the top bunk in our room at a guest house during our trip to the Great Rift Valley. I told them they have to be 6 years old to sleep up there, though.

In December, we had a big party for our MKKs. Of the 30 MKKs we now sponsor, 22 were able to come to the party.

Rodgers' mom had a big party to publicly thank God for healing her of a major illness a few years ago. Here she is surrounded by her kids and grandkids.

We moved again, just a few houses up the street, to a place with a house for us and a duplex we can use as Maisha Kamili Transition Homes (a few details about that here).

Our housekeeper left us to get married. We decided to get a washing machine for my birthday/Christmas gift instead of hiring a new housekeeper.

As always, we end the year celebrating Emmanuel, God with us.
Here's our play Nativity before the boys tore it up by playing with it so much.

Merry Christmas!

on chocolate away from home

Life overseas is different in many ways. Ice cream is one. Here, there's far too much ice and not enough cream. Bakery cakes are another. I have no idea how Kenyan bakeries make their cakes to be so horrible. Chocolate is different, too.

Kenya has a few varieties familiar to a girl from Texas. There are Snickers, Kit Kats, Twix, and Peanut M&Ms. There are Mars bars, which are similar to Milky Ways in the US (but if you see a Milky Way outside the US, it's a Three Musketeers; if you see a Mars bar in the US it's something else entirely). The rest is either Cadbury's or Beacon.

I am a dark chocolate kind of girl. I prefer dark, semi-sweet, or bittersweet chocolate over milk chocolate. I can, however, make room in my world for milk chocolate, especially when dark chocolate is hard to find. The rack of Cadbury's chocolate bars usually has 10 or more varieties of Dairy Milk with something added to it (nuts, mint, crunchies, whatever). Beacon is the same. I have only tried 1 variety of Beacon, which is their supposed dark chocolate bar. It tasted like milk chocolate with extra sugar. I don't think I could handle their milk chocolate.

I know some of you love Cadbury's Dairy Milk, and I mean no offense to you personally, but Dairy Milk is an abomination. It's barely even chocolaty. It's like sugar and milk with chocolate coloring.

If something is supposed to be chocolate, why not make it chocolaty? Speaking of which, I do not understand the existence of white chocolate. It's not that it tastes bad, but it's chocolate, without the chocolaty part. What's the point of that? Like blonde brownies. Brownies without cocoa? Why make blondies when you can make brownies?

But getting back to the topic, Cadbury's has saving grace, in 2 products (which is more than I can say for Beacon). First, the Creme Egg, which obviously is in a class of its own (though I strongly believe it would be greatly improved if done in dark chocolate). Second is Bournville, which is a dark chocolate bar we sometimes find here that is actually quite good.

Lately, our Tuskys has had these in stock constantly, but they didn't always. When I first discovered it, we found them so rarely (once a month or so) that Rodgers would buy me one any time he saw them. By now, even Nate and Ben know which chocolate bar to choose for me. I don't think they even realize that the purple Dairy Milk packages contain chocolate, too. And that's as it should be.

I'm going to talk about water again

Again. Because it's soooooo annoying. Before Ben's birthday, we had 3 straight weeks of water running almost every day. It was awesome! Our water storage doesn't go into my kitchen, so to have running water in the kitchen, we have to actually have running water.

It's been 4 weeks since Ben's birthday, and we've had water one day. And only part of a day at that. Our stored water lasted a couple of weeks.

We talked to someone who works for the water company, and they told us, off the record, that the water company had not paid their electric bill and had been cut off by the power company.

About the time our storage was running dry, people who live in other parts of town started having water running again. Apparently they got things worked out with the power company. But we still didn't have water. For the past 2 weeks, we've been filling jugs at friends' houses and bringing water into our house that way. We got additional 100L and 210L barrels so that we could refill the jugs before they were used up (or we'd have to work out a way to climb up the 1000L barrel and dump the jugs in there).

The water company is not bothered that our water isn't running. We've talked to so many people - plumbers and such - about checking to see what the problem is, since the water company doesn't really care. However, the water company is so unreliable, everyone assumes there isn't actually a problem.

Today Rodgers talked to the real estate agent who is in charge of our lease and the owner of the house, basically telling them that we can't continue living here if the water isn't running. The agent knows we are planning to move anyway, but if he keeps us happy, we just may lease through him again. And he knows we pay our rent in full and on time. So he's motivated.

The owner told us that our water line only serves 3 houses. Maybe that's why the water company isn't motivated to restore our water. Regardless, he said he would personally dig up the line tomorrow to see if he can find the problem.

Gideons

This is about the organization Gideons International, not about guys named Gideon. 

The first Gideon I can remember coming to speak at my church had one hand. His other hand was a hook. Being an amputee has nothing to do with being a Gideon. Gideons distribute Bibles in hotels, schools, prisons, and hospitals. But in my head, they are also kind of pirate-y. Because of the hook thing. That was my first impression. (Not that it's a bad thing - this is the way my mind works.)

There was a Gideon in church Sunday, talking about the work they are doing in the area. Rodgers mentioned to him that he is always in schools and could very easily help out in the Kilifi and Malindi areas.

I told him that if he's going to work with the Gideons, he needs to get an eye patch or a peg leg or something. Maybe a talking parrot.

"if you think 2 is bad...

...just wait until he turns 3!"

This is what they all told me. Most of Nate's "terrible twos," I felt like I was at the end of my rope. Everything was a battle of wills. Everything was a struggle. He was indifferent to impending punishment. Oh, he would scream during punishment, but the threat that he would be punished if he didn't obey didn't matter to him.

His "willful two-ness," as I've come to think of it (separate from general personality willfulness), was exaggerated by a feeling of insecurity because his baby brother was born when he was 20 months old; we moved 6 weeks later; then we moved in the extreme, coming to Kenya 6 weeks after his second birthday.

The kid snapped. He hardly ate anything for the first month or so (and I have a horizontal line on his weight growth chart to prove it). He threw a fit about everything. He disobeyed simply to be defiant. There was a phase of about 6 months, peaking at 30 months old, when I really didn't think we were going to make it. Especially if what they said was true: that it would get worse at age 3.

[I realize I'm dwelling on the negative so far, and I feel I should add that we had lots of good moments during that 6 months, too. We had some new, wonderful, fun experiences together. We had many great, normal afternoons just playing at home. Not to mention that parenting through infancy was far easier on me the second time around. It certainly wasn't all bad. Nate's 2-and-a-half blog post, 1 year ago.]

I'm happy to report that they were wrong. Unless Nate is saving some epic breakdown for the second half of his 3s, it has been so much better. Easier. More peaceful.

For example, now he cares about having privileges taken away. Before, "No TV until you clean up toys" would have been met with screaming. Nothing but screaming. Now, he will clean up (albeit grudgingly) in order to get what he wants. We have a required number of bites of vegetables now, which he will comply with in order to get a second helping of his favorite item on the menu or to simply have permission to leave the table. We've worked out some ways of dealing with him not listening or just not wanting to do what he's been told. Some of them work and some of them...well, at least they don't make things worse.

Of course he has a will of his own. He's a human being. Of course he still has his father's stubbornness. That's part of who he is. Of course it's not easy. I said it's easier. It's not easy. It's life.

family praise history

Around the time Nate was born, Rodgers' and my Bible study class was studying prayer. Our study leader mentioned a great prayer study course called Disciple's PrayerLife, which was out of print. I mentioned this to my mom, and she said that about 20 years ago, she and my dad had done this study, and she still had her notebook. She gave it to me, and I managed to start week 1 during my maternity leave, but that was as far as I got. I really wanted to do the study, though, so it was one of the few books I brought with me when we moved here. I recently started it again.

During week 5, it teaches about a life of gratitude which involves (of course) expressing gratitude in prayer. Throughout the Old Testament, we see the Israelites singing the history of what God has done for them: rescuing them from Egypt, parting the Red Sea, providing manna in the desert. One of the assignments in week 5 is to write a praise history with your family. Recount the major things that God has done for your family, use scripture to thank and praise God, and read this as a family at least once a year, adding on to it as you go. This is about major events or blessings that have impacted your family. This is about a big picture perspective. We are to be thankful daily for "small" blessings as well, those things which we possibly take for granted. However, the praise history is for big, major things.

I love this idea, so I shared it with Rodgers, and he loves it, too. We wasted no time writing our family's history, starting with our marriage, though there are many big things that God did in each of our lives, before we got married, which impact our family. We may yet go back and add some of those. For now, I am just including our personal salvation. Since we'll be reading this as a family, I'm referring to us as "Dad and Mom." We are planning to to read through and add to our praise history every New Year's Eve, as a family tradition.

[God] chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.
—Ephesians 1:4 

For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
—Philippians 2:13 

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.
—Psalm 136:1  

family and life events

• As children, Dad and Mom both gave their lives to Christ
• Dad and Mom got married
• Dad was given permanent resident status in the US, miraculously hassle-free
• Dad graduated from UMHB
• Nathanael was born, active and spirited
• Benjamin was born, goofy, but thoughtful
• God sustained us financially through low paying jobs, unemployment, and beyond

He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.
—1 Thessalonians 5:24

The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.
—Exodus 15:2 

Great are the works of the Lord, studied by all who delight in them.
—Psalm 111:2 

31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
—Matthew 6:31-33

maisha kamili [www.maishakamili.org]

• Maisha Kamili was dreamed up, at the encouragement of our pastor
• Maisha Kamili board was formed
• We moved to Camp to prepare for moving to Kenya
• We received the remaining 60% of our fundraising goal at once, making us financially able to move to Kenya
• We moved to Kenya to start Maisha Kamili
• Maisha Kamili began sponsoring community MKKs
• We had great support (in many forms) of Maisha Kamili during our trip to Texas in 2013

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
—Philippians 1:6 

He remembers his covenant forever, the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations.
—Psalm 105:8 

You have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed; you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode.
—Exodus 15:13

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
—Philippians 4:19 

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going.
—Hebrews 11:8

discipleship and spiritual growth

• Dad and Mom took discipleship courses and learned to disciple others
• We started teaching discipleship classes at one church in Kenya, with 2 others to join in the next year

Who is like the Lord our God, who is seated on high?
—Psalm 113:5 

1 Praise the Lord! Praise the name of the Lord, give praise, O servants of the Lord, 5 For I know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods.
—Psalm 135:1, 5 

Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?
—Exodus 15:11  

1 Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! 2 Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works! 3 Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! 4 Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! 5 Remember the wondrous works that he has done.
—Psalm 105:1-5a

water

We have had no shortage of water problems since moving to this new house.

1) The water lines in the house were all put in just before we moved in, with the exception of the wall taps in the 2 bathrooms. The plumber did a horrible job, and most of the connections between pipes leak. Into the walls. Onto the ceiling. All over the house. Those have been re-done.

2) The toilet broke after about 10 flushes. We replaced the flusher and a few things in there, but had to have a plumber come out and look at it because it wouldn't stop running. Not running from the tank to the bowl. Running from the tank to the floor. And guess what - there was no shut-off valve. So if there was water in our attic water barrel, it was running to the toilet and out onto the floor. The plumber said there were so many pieces missing (which would control water flow and stuff) that the best solution would be a shut-off valve so that we could turn it on for the tank to fill, then turn it off. Ok, done. Not ideal, but it works.

The 100 liter barrel. 

3) There is no water rationing here like we had in Bamburi, but there will be days (on end) when the whole of Kilifi has no running water. In Bamburi, we had 10,000 liters of water storage. Here, we have 600: 100 in the attic and 500 outside. If we run out of water in the house, we have to haul buckets from outside; there is no pump. Normally, the water flows at night. By using the 500 liter barrel for washing clothes and cleaning, we have enough in the 100 liter barrel to last the day, even if we all take showers/baths. So when city water is flowing, it is enough. But if the water isn't flowing?

Our outdoor water barrel. It was raining, so I didn't go take a good pic...

This week has been a true test of how much water we actually need to have stored. The last day we had running water was Tuesday. Today is Sunday. Our attic water barrel emptied Wednesday night. Thursday evening, our outside water barrel was so low that I suggested to Rodgers we give Penny the day off Friday because we needed that water for flushing the toilet, washing ourselves, and cooking more than we needed our clothes washed and floors mopped.

We keep water in the kitchen in this 50 liter barrel. Rodgers borrowed the yellow jug when he went to get us water this morning. He brought several jugs in addition to filling our kitchen water.

We had spent Wednesday assuming the water would be flowing again that night. We are never wasteful with water, but we didn't really cut back on usage much. Starting Thursday, we conserved water as much as possible, with an "if it's yellow, let it mellow..." policy for toilet flushing and taking what Rodgers terms "desert baths" (just washing the important bits). It has not been fun. This morning Rodgers went out to find water for us because our big barrel is nearly dry. Sometimes people who have a well or tens of thousands of liters stored will let their friends have water during a water shortage. We did when we lived in Bamburi. Now we are on the receiving end.

For now, we catch rain off the roof in our wash tubs.

Our landlord is planning to put gutters around the house which will feed into an additional water barrel.  We are looking into how big a barrel we could bring into the house to replace the tiny one above the bathroom. It has to be small enough to fit through the bathroom door so that we can get it up there (the bathroom doesn't have a ceiling yet). But more than 100 liters would be awesome. We would also like to trade the 500 liter barrel for at least 1000 liters. More water is always better (except when it's all overflowing from the toilet to the bathroom floor...).

There was an episode of Fraggle Rock where the water goes away and the Pipe Bangers couldn't get the water to come back. They sing a song, "Run, water, run! Run, water, run!" I've been singing that this weekend.