a year reading aloud to little boys

Last year, during Christmas holidays, Nate and I started reading A Christmas Carol. Most of it was over his head, though he liked the fact that it was a ghost story. We didn't make it to the end of the book, but it got me thinking about beginning to read chapter books aloud to the boys. I always loved having chapter books read aloud to me as a kid. The earliest I remember were the Little House books and The Chronicles of Narnia. Some of my favorites were my teacher reading The Great Brain series to us in 4th grade and my 5th grade teacher reading various Gary Paulsen books after lunch.

(As a sidenote, I am rarely sad that I have only boys, but I will miss having a girl to share my love of Madeline L'Engle. I read those on my own and loved every single one of them. They are just so female-centric, except perhaps A Wrinkle in Time, which is the best one, and which I will encourage my boys to read. But, I can't wait for them to be old enough to read Paulsen's Hatchet and Woodsong.)

I started a bookshelf on Goodreads for books I have read, am currently reading, or am planning to read to the boys. The ones we have finished are reviewed!

I mostly read books in the public domain, free downloads for the Kindle, and that's where I started with the boys. We worked it into our bedtime routine. We still read picture books (fewer than we used to) and a Bible story every night, then I read our chapter book.

We have read 6 and a half books so far this year and are planning to read 2 more by the end of the year. Here's our reading list:

• The Wind in the Willows. It was a bit too much for a 2 and a half year old, but ok for a just-turned 4 year old.
• The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Great for the 4 year old, ok for the 2 year old (or maybe he was getting used to chapter books?). Perfect chapter length for us. Good action!
• Black Beauty. It was easy to read aloud, and a good reading (listening) level for their age.
• Rikki Tikki Tavi. Very short (it's one ~30 minute chapter from The Jungle Book). The 4 year old and almost 3 year old both loved it.
• Captain's Courageous. The boys seemed to like it (though the 3 year old kept asking if we could read Rikki Tikki Tavi again), but I don't know how much of the plot they got. This one would be better around age 8.
• Winnie the Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner. For Ben's birthday, his uncle sent him these on the Kindle! They are perfect for this age group (3 and 4 year olds). The chapters are short, interesting, funny, and there is even a picture every so often. 

After The House at Pooh Corner, we will probably read The Jungle Book. Then, it should be time to try A Christmas Carol again. I love that one myself and want to start a family tradition of reading it every year. Charlotte's Web, The Borrowers, and Stuart Little are also on my list for the future, but none of them are public domain.

Mamas Tell All: The Happiest and Crappiest of Motherhood [a linkup]

The Crappiest

We're going to start with this one so we can end on a good note. I don't share this to complain or bring everyone down. I share this to stand in solidarity with other moms having bad days. We've all been there! Try to salvage the day if possible, otherwise, just survive, get the kids to bed, and breathe.

Juggling an infant and a 2-year old after moving to a new country was the toughest part of motherhood for me. There were good days and bad days, like always, but the bad days were exceptionally bad.

There were a few months when Rodgers had to be at church all day on Sundays. We all went to the English worship service, where Rodgers was spontaneously asked to preach (but we expected it because it happened every week). I was holding infant Ben, feeding him, then putting him to sleep for his morning nap, and simultaneously trying to keep 2-year old Nate under control. It was stressful and exhausting. I hated going to church those days. It's not like I was able to participate in any part of the service - I was busy with my kids the entire time. We went home while Rodgers stayed for meetings upon meetings at church. Being off our schedule, both kids were insane. I was already exhausted and short-tempered. Nate always threw one of his 45-minute screaming fits. Ben was hungry but not ready to eat, tired but not ready to sleep - a schedule baby off his schedule is such a mess! Rodgers eventually came home from the meetings, sometimes in time for supper, but sometimes after the boys were already in bed for the night. He was totally frustrated by the meetings and needed to unload some of that, but I had nothing left for him.

Those were the crappiest days of motherhood. Those were the days that I wasn't sure we would all survive, and surviving the day and getting the kids to bed was my one and only goal. That was when I often thought maybe I don't have what it takes to be a mom. But those days passed! We did survive! Thank God!

The Happiest

A picture is worth 1000 words, right? A quick flip through my Instagram pictures and previous FB profile pics resulted in almost 50 pictures of My Happiest Motherhood Moments. Here are my favorites:

playing on the floor with
baby Nate before work

bouncing baby Nate to sleep
at Cat's wedding in England

Nate, after falling asleep
on me in church

Just getting a hug from Nate

baby Ben snuggling while
drinking his bedtime milk

Ben giving me a biiiiiiiiiig kiss

Swinging with Ben

talking to baby Ben, nose to nose

hugging both of my boys

reading stories

Wearing one, holding the
other, as you do

cuddle time on the couch
with my cuddly guys

Visit the linkup for more:

Mamas Tell All: Choosing Your Family Size [a linkup]

Our family of 4 in 2012, with the Indian Ocean behind us.

The question for this week's linkup is: How did you choose the size of your family?

What a question!

We were actively trying to avoid pregnancy when I got pregnant with Nate. We had talked about adoption. We had talked about waiting for a couple of years, then trying to get pregnant. We had not yet totally decided to have kids, how many, or how they would join our family.

I was sick the entire pregnancy, had a physically traumatic and damaging delivery, and had many horrible months postpartum, trying to heal. I was not eager to repeat the experience, and Rodgers was dead set against it. We talked more about adopting the rest of our family, but we were starting to plan moving to Kenya, where we would start an orphan ministry (which we did - Maisha Kamili and Facebook link). How would we choose one or two to adopt and not the rest?

With the prospect of moving overseas, and with Nate already a biracial, bi-cultural, dual citizen kid (my husband is Kenyan, and I am American), I started really, really wanting him to have a biological sibling. We would be bouncing between the US and Kenya. Nate would be part of both cultures, and yet be an outsider in both cultures. Wouldn't it be best for him to have a sibling to experience all that with him? Rodgers was not on board. But he did get on board with not trying to avoid pregnancy, and if God gave us another kid, so be it! Ben was born 9 months later (scheduled c-section, much nicer delivery, and much, much easier recovery, but pregnancy is still my enemy).

Some of the MKKs

With a biological sibling for Nate, I was content, at peace. Rodgers was way past done. We won't have any more biological children (unless God surprises us again). Is our family complete? Not really.

There are 35 kids in Kenya, some single orphans (have lost their fathers), some double orphans (have lost both parents). Most of them live with their relatives, but 4 (ages 18 and older) live in a duplex right next to our house, and some other 18+ year olds live in rooms we rent for them near their schools. We help them with school fees, buying books and uniforms, medical care, and even groceries, where necessary. These are also our kids!

Some of them have exited Maisha Kamili's sponsorship for various reasons (finished school, got a job, found alternate means of support), but we still count them as MKKs (Maisha Kamili Kids).

People have asked us how many we plan to help. The duplex can fit 8, and we can handle 30 sponsored kids at a time, but as they grow up, finish school, and get jobs, we can take on more. Children's homes for those who have no relatives to live with are also in our future. That will increase our capacity over 30, also, as new staff will be hired as house parents. There is no limit but what God has planned!

Shameless plug: Like Maisha Kamili on Facebook!

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Follow @MaishaKamili

Find more family stories at the linkup:

advertising in Kenya

We have many of the same products here that exist in the US. But the advertising is very different. It is culturally appropriate.

In the US, advertisers often compare their products to "the other leading brand." There are some here which follow that method. However some products aren't competing against another brand but a completely different way of doing things. For example, Pampers are compared to old-fashioned flat cloth diapers without waterproof covers. Always are compared to using folded up toilet paper.

Not many people have washing machines. The vast majority of laundry detergents are hand washing powders. They do compare to other brands, are a little too obvious about to which brand they are comparing, and get in trouble all the time. The commercials are quite different to what we would have in the US, yet they use the same elements.

OLX is like craigslist in Kenya. Most of their ads show people living in flats in Nairobi. They have house help putting away groceries and advising the woman of the house to sell some stuff so she can buy a bigger refrigerator. Or a couple is preparing for the birth of their first baby, selling stuff from the husband's bachelor days to make room and get money for baby gear. But one is such a great juxtaposition of traditional Kenya and modern technology - a country boy using a smart phone to sell stuff on OLX so that he can buy a cow.

I'm hoping that these commercials are available worldwide, and you can watch them. Enjoy!

Mamas Tell All: Kids and Eating [blog linkup]

my picky eater, eating a zucchini spear

If you're visiting from the linkup, you won't know this, but I would say I have some experience in this category! When my oldest was 20 months old, his baby brother was born, 6 weeks later we moved to a temporary home, 4 months after that, we moved to another country. He was, understandably, shaken up. As a strong-willed kid, he needs to feel in control of some things, and his whole life seemed to change, 3 times, in rapid succession. What could he control? What he ate. He stopped eating everything but bread, deli meat, grapes, sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, and junk food. For us, picky eating was all about insecurity, fear, and control. I think this applies to a lot of picky eaters, even when their lives haven't been so completely turned upside down.

When he was 2 years old, Nate (now 4 1/2) couldn't be reasoned with. I focused on making sure he ate enough calories and gave him vitamins. Still, he didn't gain weight at all for several months. After he turned 3, Nate was more reasonable and had started eating a little more variety. It was a window of opportunity. We used it.

• I identified that trying new things was scary for him. We encouraged bravery (doing what you need to do, even though you are afraid), started with just 1 bite, and celebrated that bite!
• He wanted to be in control, so he was allowed to choose when he would eat his new food, but he had to eat it or he gave up second helpings of what he liked at supper and couldn't have his usual bedtime snack.
• I focused on vegetables because that is the main food group he has trouble with, and it was a huge hole in his nutrition. I choose my battles, in all things parenting. One I don't fight, for example, is potatoes. If he never eats potatoes (besides the fried variety), he's not missing much. He knows this and enjoys the control. He voluntarily tried roasted potatoes recently, liked them, but chose not to eat them the next time they were served. Fine by me. My battle is veggies.
• In the beginning, I served the same vegetable for supper every night for a week. The first 2 days, he had to eat 1 bite only, then 2 bites for 2 days, then a full serving until the end of the week. 
• The next week, I still served the previous vegetable once or twice (now a welcomed old friend), but added a new every-night-veggie, and we repeated the process until we worked through all of our usual vegetables.
• When we are not at home, we take a break from the rules. Sometimes when we're at a restaurant, he wants to eat nothing but a plate of french fries. Hey - it's a special occasion! Why not?

Now, he knows he is required to eat the veggies on his plate, and if he doesn't, there are no seconds or snack. I don't fight him about it because the conflict makes him more resolute and me more grumpy. I just remind him of the consequences. Two nights ago, he chose not to eat his veggies, and we held to our consequences. Last night, he apologized and told me, "I will eat my vegetables tonight so I can have a snack." And he did.

My advice to parents dealing with a picky eater:

1. Determine why. Do they genuinely not like the taste of many foods? Are they afraid? Do they just want control? (If said picky eater is a toddler, you may just be dealing with toddlerhood.) Then address it from that angle.
2. Choose your battles. 
3. Have consequences and stick to them.
4. Give the kid a break sometimes! 

Find more tips at the linkup!