Mamas Tell All: Choosing Your Family Size [a linkup]

Our family of 4 in 2012, with the Indian Ocean behind us.

The question for this week's linkup is: How did you choose the size of your family?

What a question!

We were actively trying to avoid pregnancy when I got pregnant with Nate. We had talked about adoption. We had talked about waiting for a couple of years, then trying to get pregnant. We had not yet totally decided to have kids, how many, or how they would join our family.

I was sick the entire pregnancy, had a physically traumatic and damaging delivery, and had many horrible months postpartum, trying to heal. I was not eager to repeat the experience, and Rodgers was dead set against it. We talked more about adopting the rest of our family, but we were starting to plan moving to Kenya, where we would start an orphan ministry (which we did - Maisha Kamili and Facebook link). How would we choose one or two to adopt and not the rest?

With the prospect of moving overseas, and with Nate already a biracial, bi-cultural, dual citizen kid (my husband is Kenyan, and I am American), I started really, really wanting him to have a biological sibling. We would be bouncing between the US and Kenya. Nate would be part of both cultures, and yet be an outsider in both cultures. Wouldn't it be best for him to have a sibling to experience all that with him? Rodgers was not on board. But he did get on board with not trying to avoid pregnancy, and if God gave us another kid, so be it! Ben was born 9 months later (scheduled c-section, much nicer delivery, and much, much easier recovery, but pregnancy is still my enemy).

Some of the MKKs

With a biological sibling for Nate, I was content, at peace. Rodgers was way past done. We won't have any more biological children (unless God surprises us again). Is our family complete? Not really.

There are 35 kids in Kenya, some single orphans (have lost their fathers), some double orphans (have lost both parents). Most of them live with their relatives, but 4 (ages 18 and older) live in a duplex right next to our house, and some other 18+ year olds live in rooms we rent for them near their schools. We help them with school fees, buying books and uniforms, medical care, and even groceries, where necessary. These are also our kids!

Some of them have exited Maisha Kamili's sponsorship for various reasons (finished school, got a job, found alternate means of support), but we still count them as MKKs (Maisha Kamili Kids).

People have asked us how many we plan to help. The duplex can fit 8, and we can handle 30 sponsored kids at a time, but as they grow up, finish school, and get jobs, we can take on more. Children's homes for those who have no relatives to live with are also in our future. That will increase our capacity over 30, also, as new staff will be hired as house parents. There is no limit but what God has planned!

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Find more family stories at the linkup:

advertising in Kenya

We have many of the same products here that exist in the US. But the advertising is very different. It is culturally appropriate.

In the US, advertisers often compare their products to "the other leading brand." There are some here which follow that method. However some products aren't competing against another brand but a completely different way of doing things. For example, Pampers are compared to old-fashioned flat cloth diapers without waterproof covers. Always are compared to using folded up toilet paper.

Not many people have washing machines. The vast majority of laundry detergents are hand washing powders. They do compare to other brands, are a little too obvious about to which brand they are comparing, and get in trouble all the time. The commercials are quite different to what we would have in the US, yet they use the same elements.

OLX is like craigslist in Kenya. Most of their ads show people living in flats in Nairobi. They have house help putting away groceries and advising the woman of the house to sell some stuff so she can buy a bigger refrigerator. Or a couple is preparing for the birth of their first baby, selling stuff from the husband's bachelor days to make room and get money for baby gear. But one is such a great juxtaposition of traditional Kenya and modern technology - a country boy using a smart phone to sell stuff on OLX so that he can buy a cow.

I'm hoping that these commercials are available worldwide, and you can watch them. Enjoy!

Mamas Tell All: Kids and Eating [blog linkup]

my picky eater, eating a zucchini spear

If you're visiting from the linkup, you won't know this, but I would say I have some experience in this category! When my oldest was 20 months old, his baby brother was born, 6 weeks later we moved to a temporary home, 4 months after that, we moved to another country. He was, understandably, shaken up. As a strong-willed kid, he needs to feel in control of some things, and his whole life seemed to change, 3 times, in rapid succession. What could he control? What he ate. He stopped eating everything but bread, deli meat, grapes, sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, and junk food. For us, picky eating was all about insecurity, fear, and control. I think this applies to a lot of picky eaters, even when their lives haven't been so completely turned upside down.

When he was 2 years old, Nate (now 4 1/2) couldn't be reasoned with. I focused on making sure he ate enough calories and gave him vitamins. Still, he didn't gain weight at all for several months. After he turned 3, Nate was more reasonable and had started eating a little more variety. It was a window of opportunity. We used it.

• I identified that trying new things was scary for him. We encouraged bravery (doing what you need to do, even though you are afraid), started with just 1 bite, and celebrated that bite!
• He wanted to be in control, so he was allowed to choose when he would eat his new food, but he had to eat it or he gave up second helpings of what he liked at supper and couldn't have his usual bedtime snack.
• I focused on vegetables because that is the main food group he has trouble with, and it was a huge hole in his nutrition. I choose my battles, in all things parenting. One I don't fight, for example, is potatoes. If he never eats potatoes (besides the fried variety), he's not missing much. He knows this and enjoys the control. He voluntarily tried roasted potatoes recently, liked them, but chose not to eat them the next time they were served. Fine by me. My battle is veggies.
• In the beginning, I served the same vegetable for supper every night for a week. The first 2 days, he had to eat 1 bite only, then 2 bites for 2 days, then a full serving until the end of the week. 
• The next week, I still served the previous vegetable once or twice (now a welcomed old friend), but added a new every-night-veggie, and we repeated the process until we worked through all of our usual vegetables.
• When we are not at home, we take a break from the rules. Sometimes when we're at a restaurant, he wants to eat nothing but a plate of french fries. Hey - it's a special occasion! Why not?

Now, he knows he is required to eat the veggies on his plate, and if he doesn't, there are no seconds or snack. I don't fight him about it because the conflict makes him more resolute and me more grumpy. I just remind him of the consequences. Two nights ago, he chose not to eat his veggies, and we held to our consequences. Last night, he apologized and told me, "I will eat my vegetables tonight so I can have a snack." And he did.

My advice to parents dealing with a picky eater:

1. Determine why. Do they genuinely not like the taste of many foods? Are they afraid? Do they just want control? (If said picky eater is a toddler, you may just be dealing with toddlerhood.) Then address it from that angle.
2. Choose your battles. 
3. Have consequences and stick to them.
4. Give the kid a break sometimes! 

Find more tips at the linkup!

tomato soup: a recipe

As a kid, one of my favorite lunches was tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches. Of course, it was quick and painless canned soup. There are canned soups here, possibly even Campbell's tomato, but processed food is expensive. Also, I had about 3 cups of diced tomatoes (from our tomato plants!) in the freezer. It was time to recreate my childhood lunch. I threw this soup together on a whim, without a recipe. All measurements are approximate, especially the seasonings. I just sprinkled, tasted, added more, tasted, etc, until it was enough. I added carrots for consistency because I thought the tomatoes would be runny by themselves. A lot of recipes add sugar to combat the acidity of the tomatoes, but I think the sweetness of the carrots did the job. My husband, who as rule doesn't like tomato soup, said it was good, for tomato soup. I, who love tomato soup, thought it was awesome.

3 cups diced tomatoes
2 or 3 carrots, diced
1 small to medium onion, diced
2" ginger, grated
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups bone broth
2 cups water
1/2 tsp (or more) basil
1/2 tsp (or more) oregano
salt and pepper to taste

Put tomatoes, carrots, onion, ginger, garlic, broth, and water in a big pot. Bring to boil, reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 30 minutes.

Add seasonings. Simmer for another 5-10 minutes.

Remove from heat. Transfer to blender and purée.

The Hair

My naturally curly hair has long been my most identifying feature. When I've been mistaken for someone else, it has never been because we have similar facial features, build, or fashion sense. It is always because of The Hair. When someone searches for me in a crowd - even my own mother - they just look for The Hair.

5th grade. The beginning of the end.

From preschool through most of elementary school, I always had fluffy, wavy hair. Sometime in 5th grade, prepubescent hormones fundamentally changed the texture. My mom and I spent the next few years grasping at straws trying to figure out how to deal with my coarse, frizzy, unruly mass of curls.

8th grade. Losing the hair battle. Bonus: me before braces.

My mom has naturally curly hair, and she tried all of her tricks to get my hair under control, to no avail. Her curls are completely different from mine. After I left for college, I experimented with my curls on my own. Finding the best way to wear my curls has been a 2 decades long project.

I've tried mousses, creams, gels, sprays, serums, oils, relaxers, every shampoo and conditioner made for curls and/or dry hair, and chemical straighteners. I've used blow dryers (with diffuser of course), curling irons, hot rollers, foam rollers, and hair straighteners. I've had my hair long, short, and in between. When ceramic hair straighteners became popular, I bought one and started straightening my hair regularly. But I realized that I prefer my hair curly. I feel more "me" when my hair is natural, and also, it takes less work! The curl isn't my enemy; it's the frizziness. (And the straightening may have tamed my hair, but it did not solve the frizz.)

My curls are somewhere between Type 3A and Type 3B, high porosity, high density, and medium width. I love the curl. The density and width serve me well. The porosity has been the root (pun intended) of all of my hair woes. So I plan my attack accordingly. I am very much loving my curls these days. Here is my current method:

I do need a better curly hair cut.

• Shampoo only in extreme circumstances (like if I've been swimming), and then with sulfate-free shampoo. Working conditioner through the hair and rinsing with water cleanses it sufficiently.
• Use a thick, hydrating conditioner several times per week.
• Don't brush or comb, just work knots out with fingers while hair has conditioner in it.
• Squeeze water out of hair with an old t-shirt, not terry-cloth. 
• Turn hair upside down, separate curls, scrunch a bit, spray on argan oil and leave-in conditioner.
• Turn right-side up, part hair on opposite side (to prevent the flat-head look), smooth coconut oil through hair.
• Let air dry partially, correct part, style now if not wearing hair down, let hair air dry the rest of the way. 
• "Pineapple" hair to sleep.
• Sleep on a satin pillow case.