Mamas Tell All: Making Time for Mama [a linkup]

Based on my own unprofessional, unofficial observations, mom burnout is very common. However, it has a simple remedy, and we all know what it is: taking some time for ourselves. This is not profound. It's not news. And yet, for some reason we often feel we have to be busy 100% of the time. Taking care of our kids is immeasurably important. Taking care of our homes is an endlessly repetitive to-do list. And then all of the other things we do...well, we wouldn't be doing them if they weren't important. Can we justify taking time for ourselves?

Jesus himself sets an example of going away to rest. He is God. And he needed time to rest. His work on the earth was infinitely more important than anything we could do. And he took time away from it.

We need to refresh our bodies and minds. Jesus did. He told his disciples to rest with him, depsite the very important and urgent things they had on their to-do lists. We are no different. Next question: How?

Really, how do I take time for this?  How can I work it into my day? It is a discipline, and I have to be intentional about it.

I rely very much on my husband's help for this. My kids aren't old enough to fend for themselves. If I'm going to have time to myself (more than a few minutes), he has to be with the kids. There are a few ways I try to work this in.

5 minute pick-me-up

If Rodgers is not home and I really need some time, I turn on the TV and/or give the boys a snack. I tell them that I need to take a break and go to my room. They understand by now what this means. I may read or just zone out. I introvert for 5 minutes. It's a similar concept to a power nap. The boys can handle being alone for that amount of time. And it helps me keep going.

30 minutes to an hour break

If I need more than just a few minutes, I tell Rodgers, "I'm taking a break," almost as soon as he walks in the door. This is hard in practice because after a few minutes, the boys still come to me asking for things. We both have to constantly remind them that Rodgers knows how to fix snacks, help with toileting, or put superhero capes on, and I need to be left alone during my break time.

A day off

Rodgers is very understanding of my need for time to myself, and he can even recognize the signs that it's time! Every now and then (maybe 4 times per year) he will take the boys on a guys' outing, leaving me home alone for up to 8 hours. It is glorious. I am always so refreshed and energized when they get home! 

How do you make time to rest?

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boy mom tricks: high energy and noise

This may come as a shock: I am not a high-energy person, and I don't like noise. My boys...well, they can't be still, and the only time they are quiet is when they're sleeping. Not only are they loud and rowdy, they also fight. Over anything and everything. Siblings, you know?

We're a single-car family, and I don't currently have a valid driver's license in this country anyway. There is public transportation in this town, but we're a bit far from town center to easily get a tuk tuk to get out of the house. So what do I do with these boys when we're stuck at home during school breaks and Rodgers is at work? Yes, they drive me crazy, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

1) Send them outside. When they start getting loud and crazy, my first line of defense is, "Go outside." If it's hot, I tell them to stay in the shade. If it's raining, I send them onto the veranda. Actually, one day last week, they played in the rain. When they're loud and wild, they usually need to move - a lot - and this is the best way.

2) Sunday School. We haven't yet found a church here with a good Sunday School program, so we started using some lessons from Ministry-to-Children, especially on weeks that we couldn't make it to church at all. Then I realized that the singing and dancing (with help from YouTube) burned a lot of their energy, and they were always peaceful for the lesson. We're now working through the lesson series on The Lord's Prayer, not on Sundays, but we still call it "Sunday School."

3) Build a fort. When I build them a fort, suddenly they want to sit still and look at books. I do this if they've played outside, they've been active, but are for whatever reason still too rambunctious for being in the house, and especially if they are fighting a lot. We built this epic fort while Nate was on school break this time. Sheets over the backs of several chairs, connected to the "big couch," which they can crawl under, connected to the washing machine box they have been playing in.

4) (If possible) Get out of the house. These guys seem to get a bit of cabin fever after a few days, which manifests in insanity. By now, we know a couple of restaurants with playgrounds, there's always the beach, and sometimes just going to the supermarket helps them reset. But like I said, getting out is a bit difficult right now. When they're older, we'll be able to walk until we find transport, but they're still too small for that right now. I mean, if they get tired, I can't carry a 4-year old and (almost) 3-year old, together, at the same time.

5) Get out a "special" toy/game/activity. For Christmas last year, the boys got a train set. We have always kept the tracks put away because they turn into weapons when the train play is over. It's special when we get it out, and they play well for a solid chunk of time. There is also bubble-blowing, painting, cutting paper (a new obsession), and sidewalk chalk. We did all of these this school break. During Christmas school break, we'll make tree ornaments and snowflakes and do Christmasy things, which are all very necessary since it's a 9 week break!

6) Give them chores. They are still at the age where chores make them feel important and grown up (rather than enslaved). One day during break, I was trying to clean the bathrooms. Rodgers had just left for work, and the boys could not, would not get along. I gave them each a sponge and something to clean. They were occupied until I was done cleaning bathrooms, and were ready to get along with each other. They also both adore washing dishes, though this requires much more supervision on my part.